It’s that time of year where Nice Ladies everywhere are flocking to pet stores in search of little cute sweaters for their dogs. I can’t help but notice that cats are not subjected to this same tortured practice. As much as I hate cats (they are really just bigger squirrels with thinner tails), it is time we take a lesson from them and rise up against the sweaters!
I am Buck, the Boston Terrier. And while I love The Lady, I can sense that she is plotting against me. Especially now that Halloween is over and the holiday commercials with the cute silly dogs wearing sweaters are on the TV, I can hear her exclaim, “How cute!” Then she looks over at me and asks, “Buck, don’t you want to wear a sweater and wook handsome?”
Hear this Lady, loud and clear. No. Absolutely not. Ne. Nein. Under no circumstances. By no means. Not at all. Nope.
You see, when I am wearing a sweater, my Bostonian-ness is hidden! I need to run naked! No lizard or squirrel is going to be terrified by a dog in a sweater. They will just scamper up the trees and mock me. I have a reputation to uphold in this neighborhood and I shant be contained by a sweater!
Now The Man has my back. He knows sweaters are ridiculous. I am pretty sure he would stand up for my rights. He knows how awestruck passers-by are with my Bostonian-ness! But what happens if The Lady decides to take me to the pet store one day after work and The Man isn’t there to save me? THE HORROR!!!
Therefore, I am calling on all you small and mid-sized dogs out there this Fall to STOP THE SWEATER INSANITY! I don’t care if you have to drool. I don’t care if you have to play dead. I don’t care if you have to whine all day long or leap out of the Rolling Crate of Horror at the pet store – we can’t let our People win!
You can read more about my war against sweaters in my book, Buck’s New Home. But I encourage you to take a stand whether you are a pooch or people and get rid of this silly tradition! If you need to put a sweater on something this winter, I am sure your friendly neighborhood squirrel would appreciate it.
Buck’s New Home – A Buck the Dog Tale is the first in a series of stories about Buck, the awesome Boston Terrier. You can order your copy at: The Word Verve